| Austria 2023
existences covered in wounds -
create new landscapes
form new bodies
as i am
shapeshifting through pain
i have yet to recognise myself in the mirror
from pain that runs so deep
- it travels in time
i am becoming a spectacle of my past
there is nothing beautiful about pain
i have to pull flowers
from my wounds
even though their thorns scratch my flesh
they don’t know what violence it took me to get here
to become a flower bed
that doesn’t scare with its body
that looks innocent and kind
delicate
there is nothing delicate about healing
the salt of my tears stung my wounds
and killed the flowers
i have worked so hard to grow
i had to learn to carry my sadness in silence
for my flowers to survive
so my pain is
pleasant for others to look at
so much so
they want to take care of me
water me
protect me
and as i have been pulling out these flowers in rage and hope
to hide my skin
i have lost myself in others’ existence
who mistake flowers
for healing
and beauty for growth
but who am i to judge?
my pain wasn’t visible to others in the first place
because i did everything in my power
to pull flowers from my wounds